Norshilah Nasir,
28th December 1990.
My name is Shila, and this site is where my very own life narration portrays, in mute. I am small built, and live in a pillbox world of warm duvets and sudden jabs. I wish to decode it all through typewriter letters and images, maybe more.
Cheers.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
am on meds- everything mellow.thats enough to make me alive.....been working quite frequently than the norm.guess thats one of my alt. plans to make the inevitable avoidable.also, i've stopped allowing myself to feel what i am bound to feel.its better off that way =) nevermindnevermind.
i'll update when i'll update. bye!
**END**
ah skip this shit lah.i'm retaking my o's as a full-time priv. candidate. no nafa for me. dad made the decision.he said the diplomas in nafa are of no worth.nvm, i'm happy enough to be given this chance to retake my o levels.hmm but, the subject combinations are so unappealing.i have to take poa, a subject i've never taken before.and i hv less than a year to study it.is it possible? and i'm considering pure history and biology. hmm, daddy's putting on big bucks on this, just for me. so i really have to play my part, unlike last year.i was serious for practically nothing but art.so now, i fcuking must must must nott play around.less outings(late night ones especially),less work, less play, less art. and maybe much less of everyth i had last year.
anyw, world hasnt been so nice to me.i hv mood swings every now and then, feeling so so vulnerable every moment.this someone, he knows really2 well that i'm good at putting on a veil over my face and even actions.and that veil, speaks so differently from what i feel inside.i love smiling, though i dont mean it.
though i've moved on, i still cant push myself up from lingering in this dark dot.i've never felt like a failure so bad like this.
I'm just so sick of being nice.'nice' with a wide definition.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
ah skip this shit lah.i'm retaking my o's as a full-time priv. candidate. no nafa for me. dad made the decision.he said the diplomas in nafa are of no worth.nvm, i'm happy enough to be given this chance to retake my o levels.hmm but, the subject combinations are so unappealing.i have to take poa, a subject i've never taken before.and i hv less than a year to study it.is it possible? and i'm considering pure history and biology. hmm, daddy's putting on big bucks on this, just for me. so i really have to play my part, unlike last year.i was serious for practically nothing but art.so now, i fcuking must must must nott play around.less outings(late night ones especially),less work, less play, less art. and maybe much less of everyth i had last year.
anyw, world hasnt been so nice to me.i hv mood swings every now and then, feeling so so vulnerable every moment.this someone, he knows really2 well that i'm good at putting on a veil over my face and even actions.and that veil, speaks so differently from what i feel inside.i love smiling, though i dont mean it.
though i've moved on, i still cant push myself up from lingering in this dark dot.i've never felt like a failure so bad like this.
**END**
The Major Mind Revamp.
Today i went to nafa, registered and all was sucessful.so now its a matter of whether i pass or fail the entry test.if i fail, i'm doomed.with nowhere to go for the entire year of 2007.So i feel its essential to have plan B.that is, retaking my o lvls.[i changed my mind from ite to this].the reason : i'm still young, barely even seventeen even in 12 months time though i'm borned 1990.also, i believe there'll be stronger concentration for me since i plan to retake these 3 subjects, math,eng and science.and with all the hard but worthwhile work, i'll pursue my dream,that is to take dip in molecular biotechnology.little did i know that choices could really trouble someone.and that someone...is me.
The big Problem #1: What if i dont get through the drawing and collage test to be officialy a nafa student? as i know of, the application for private candidates end this friday.and the entry test at nafa is only on the 3rd march.so, how?
The big problem #2: What if i plan to just retake and blow off my chance at nafa. ooh it'll hurt alot.and its feasible that i'll live my life engulfed with regrets and guilt.it is like cutting off a part of me, my love and passion for art.so, i cant cancel my registration.
The Big Problem #3: What if i plan to take the diploma in fine arts and retake too?
Stepping on reality's ground, its a matter of whther i can take the pressure or not.also, about the amount of money involved.oh it'll cost a hell lot of money.and i dont want to burden my parents!
i was so trapped in this aperture where itso dark like how problems can really impair yourself to keep the ball rolling.but someone lit up the darkness =) .hey all thanks to you kay. so now ive made my decision!
so here's the plan: I'll still register as a priv. candidate. and also will take the entry test.which means i'll be taking the diploma(if i pass the test)and o level at one time.i'll put this as a test for myself. its just to prove my determination to achieve what i want.i hadnt achieve someth ever so big like that for a very long time.so we'll see. how far i will reach.how strong i am as a person.cos this doing aint easy as this saying is.
and so i will be my own spring and legs. i fall, and i will bring myself back up.and it'll never end =)
Registered for nafa with elmy and friends.then, got some free food at my work place, followed by his.And these were some evident we tried so hard to manage a good shot.while walking! ha ha. eh, dont we look alike? he's my twin.k bluff.he's just my cousin. bwa ha ha!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Today i went to nafa, registered and all was sucessful.so now its a matter of whether i pass or fail the entry test.if i fail, i'm doomed.with nowhere to go for the entire year of 2007.So i feel its essential to have plan B.that is, retaking my o lvls.[i changed my mind from ite to this].the reason : i'm still young, barely even seventeen even in 12 months time though i'm borned 1990.also, i believe there'll be stronger concentration for me since i plan to retake these 3 subjects, math,eng and science.and with all the hard but worthwhile work, i'll pursue my dream,that is to take dip in molecular biotechnology.little did i know that choices could really trouble someone.and that someone...is me.
The big Problem #1: What if i dont get through the drawing and collage test to be officialy a nafa student? as i know of, the application for private candidates end this friday.and the entry test at nafa is only on the 3rd march.so, how?
The big problem #2: What if i plan to just retake and blow off my chance at nafa. ooh it'll hurt alot.and its feasible that i'll live my life engulfed with regrets and guilt.it is like cutting off a part of me, my love and passion for art.so, i cant cancel my registration.
The Big Problem #3: What if i plan to take the diploma in fine arts and retake too?
Stepping on reality's ground, its a matter of whther i can take the pressure or not.also, about the amount of money involved.oh it'll cost a hell lot of money.and i dont want to burden my parents!
i was so trapped in this aperture where itso dark like how problems can really impair yourself to keep the ball rolling.but someone lit up the darkness =) .hey all thanks to you kay. so now ive made my decision!
so here's the plan: I'll still register as a priv. candidate. and also will take the entry test.which means i'll be taking the diploma(if i pass the test)and o level at one time.i'll put this as a test for myself. its just to prove my determination to achieve what i want.i hadnt achieve someth ever so big like that for a very long time.so we'll see. how far i will reach.how strong i am as a person.cos this doing aint easy as this saying is.
**END**
lesson learnt from my o lvl results.it wasnt even near to good.28 points and 4 o lvl credits, thats all i got.am moving on.see theres no point dwelling in your pathetic misery.so i'll make da best out of it.and im not afraid to admit that i'm no fast learner.i'm one them who've to take things slowly.those without the gd sponge quality.so i wont mind being an ite student.i'll take the longer route, just to achieve what i want =)
anyways, to speak of passion.dip in fine arts @ nafa's my best bet.ive applied and will be going down there to pay the fees in a few hours time.well if i dont get in nafa, i'll turn to h.nitec in hospitality operations. i just dont think i'm up for poly life. heh, lets just hope i'd make the right decisions.i wont want to be remorseful down the road.
grr been having so many latenight snacks.ahh i so have to shed some weight.
sigh i'm missing someone so much.he's not anywhere near me.2324839048905849085209383409284093284903 miles away.hope he feels the same way too.
:DCheerios and Goodnight!
Monday, February 12, 2007
lesson learnt from my o lvl results.it wasnt even near to good.28 points and 4 o lvl credits, thats all i got.am moving on.see theres no point dwelling in your pathetic misery.so i'll make da best out of it.and im not afraid to admit that i'm no fast learner.i'm one them who've to take things slowly.those without the gd sponge quality.so i wont mind being an ite student.i'll take the longer route, just to achieve what i want =)
anyways, to speak of passion.dip in fine arts @ nafa's my best bet.ive applied and will be going down there to pay the fees in a few hours time.well if i dont get in nafa, i'll turn to h.nitec in hospitality operations. i just dont think i'm up for poly life. heh, lets just hope i'd make the right decisions.i wont want to be remorseful down the road.
grr been having so many latenight snacks.ahh i so have to shed some weight.
sigh i'm missing someone so much.he's not anywhere near me.2324839048905849085209383409284093284903 miles away.hope he feels the same way too.
:D
**END**
=)
results up this friday.ahhh..!
Dee
Fathien
Iz
Irya
Tutorgirl
Kal
Kin
Fifa
Anxx
Haikal
Emil
Lyssa
Pavalam
Malik
Tasha
Icka
Maira
Zaha
Umaira
Yana
Farhan
Nurul
Firdaus
Amni
An
Kyria
Enz
Johnboy
Syam
Erika
Fiza
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
results up this friday.ahhh..!
**END**
And there's the rub,
And we can talk for a while,
But I have sweet nothings to say,
You don't want me anyway
You don't want me anyway
So why?
Why should I stay?
So goodbye to you and your life
Your new best friends
Your confidence
And I'll be here when you get home
Sitting half way
Away from nowhere,
Praying for lips to touch
Holding myself,
For a second
Just to catch you smile
On this ride.
So goodbye to you and your lies
Two months, eight weeks
Your new best friends
Your confidence
Turn my hours into days
And I'll be here when you get home
When you get home
So goodbye to you and your lies
Two months, eight weeks
Your new best friends
Your confidence
Turn my hours into days
And I'll be here when you get home
When you get home
I can't feel the same about you anymore
It's just like you said
It would be
It's never easy
I can't feel the same
I can't feel this way
I can't feel the same about you anymore
It's never easy, without you anymore
thanks so much for dedicating this song to me.
will be doing closing today. sigh. feeling so draggy to work...........
Friday, February 02, 2007
And we can talk for a while,
But I have sweet nothings to say,
You don't want me anyway
You don't want me anyway
So why?
Why should I stay?
So goodbye to you and your life
Your new best friends
Your confidence
And I'll be here when you get home
Sitting half way
Away from nowhere,
Praying for lips to touch
Holding myself,
For a second
Just to catch you smile
On this ride.
So goodbye to you and your lies
Two months, eight weeks
Your new best friends
Your confidence
Turn my hours into days
And I'll be here when you get home
When you get home
So goodbye to you and your lies
Two months, eight weeks
Your new best friends
Your confidence
Turn my hours into days
And I'll be here when you get home
When you get home
I can't feel the same about you anymore
It's just like you said
It would be
It's never easy
I can't feel the same
I can't feel this way
I can't feel the same about you anymore
It's never easy, without you anymore
thanks so much for dedicating this song to me.
will be doing closing today. sigh. feeling so draggy to work...........
**END**
Dee
Fathien
Iz
Irya
Tutorgirl
Kal
Kin
Fifa
Anxx
Haikal
Emil
Lyssa
Pavalam
Malik
Tasha
Icka
Maira
Zaha
Umaira
Yana
Farhan
Nurul
Firdaus
Amni
An
Kyria
Enz
Johnboy
Syam
Erika
Fiza
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