sometimes i wonder.how it feels to not feel.to be in this world, and not know how you affect the others.you hurt everyone around you, but you cannot know.you naturally cannot.because you cannot feel.you just lead your own life.do things you want.and nothing stops you, but you.to know that only you make the differences in your life.to stay deep in oblivion in yourself.away and isolated from the others' words, emotions and everything about them.when you know nothing about anyone, you know nothing about getting hurt.getting all down and shattered, thats how a pathetic piece of shit you are if you are to do so. and so i wonder if it is heaven to not feel. if it is, i want to be this someone who only beliefs in herself.then by all means i will be.

but its way off my height to reach.skies higher than skies to thrive. because im just the antonym. paranoia always land me somewhere crummy.i am always sensitive to the very small things my love ones tell me (this means that i give no shit about the others who give no importance to my life.i hv perspectives only upon my love ones.) . and from that paranoia, it'll always derive me to 'feel' and in turn air my thoughts in a way one should not.the ones you speak to gts hurt.and as i know how they alrd are, the words will be mirrored to me back.so thats how it feels to feel.
and no dictionary holds the word that can speak how i feel.i hurts so much.very very much that i really dont ever want to know how its like to feel.

and so my aim , or rather a dream in life is to be that person in the first paragraph.though i know its never a dream come true.at least i can dream.and i will live that dream every night.because i sleep to escape.

i love myself. =)